I've decided that I cried my LAST TEAR... YESTERDAY

No more of all that feeling sorry for myself. No more "Oh i wish I would have done this." "Oh iI should have done that." "Why me?" "Why now?" "Why This?" "Why That?"... Im FINISHED! I'm learning to accept the fact that I can't change the past. I'm learning to accept the fact that I can't change who I am or what I am and I am this way for a reason. Don't get it twisted, I'm not overly insecure or anything like that, however, I do have my issues. There's alot going on inside of me that not even my mother knows. Only God knows. Watever happens was predestined to happen and I'll just have to say thank u LORD anyhow b/c I know there is a plan in store for ME.

That which you sew
That also shall you reap

Im sewing like crazy right now!

With that said, anything negative in my life has to GO! I have enough baggage to carry. If you know you're a part of my life and your not doing anything to make it better than you should do you and me a favor and leave.

A MURDERER SET FREE... My Fathers'

*This will probably be THE most private thing I could share with ppl I dont even KNOW but u know what, its a reality so im finally talking*

I know many dont even know that I grew up without a father. No he was NOT a deadbeat... unfortunately, he's dead. He was killed in 1989 when I was a yr old. The killer is my uncle. Thats right, MY uncle. The brother of my mother. I can't go too into detail with the story cuz I dun kno the whole story myself.

No daddy and 17 years later the killer is released. Yup... he out. This month. September 2006. For the first time yesterday I spoke my first words to him. Surprisingly I was considerably cordial. I said hello, my how are you's and that was that. There were two things going on in mind. Do I hate him for taking away a father I never knew or do I forgive him because its what is right?



-C. Henry

A change is long overdue

Why is that when you see a caucasian succeed its the "norm" but when someone of African decent is on the road to success its something that is supposed to be "rare" and some are even "wowed" by it. "She can speak 2 languages?!? That's amazing!" Better yet, why isnt it praised amongst the Black community? Rather, it is condemed to a certain extent.

"SELL OUT." Is that what we like to call them? I'd like to know when being ingnorant became a good thing? Since when was it okay to accept the foul conditions some of us could not avoid and remain dormant and do nothing about it? Im specifically speaking of those of you stuck in the "GHETTO" in particular.

Some people were dealt a horrible hand in life, thats a given. Its messed up, yes, but why accept those conditions and stay there? Sometimes I feel as if black people are almost afraid to succeed. Like its our greatest fear. We are so afraid to shoot for the stars and miss. Some poeple act is if life just cant get any better than it is so why try? Do you really think Dr. King died for nothing?? Alot of people may think I dont understand how it is because I wasn't raised in a project and I didnt live that hard knock life. I've heard it all before . To culture myself in the eyes of certain people is to "act white." This has to be THE MOST IGNORANT statement I hear so often. Say it to me, Its a great way to piss me off. (By the way, if someone could explain to me how being educated correlates to 'acting white' please do so. Im very eager to know).


So what if i never lived in the projects. Maybe I didnt have to work AS hard as some but I personally feel as though many young black people in the ghettos of America use the ghetto as an excuse for them to act out and continue to avoid making something of themselves. Newsflash! It isn't! I know what goes on in the real world and as difficult as it is for a black man (woman) to be like cream and rise to the top, it is POSSIBLE! With hard work and determination you are bound to recieve prosperous results. Most of the time, people just dont want to work. They are plain old LAZY!They want everything to somehow magically happen overnight. Everyone is stuck on that "qet money quick" scheme and if you want the honest to God truth, its a dead end road. Let it die. Other's just sit around waiting for something great to fall into their laps. Oprah didnt get rich sitting on her couch watching the tv collect dust. Apparently sitting on your butts all this time hasn't made life any better for you either yet you still have your hand out looking for handouts. It doesnt work that way! I say, If you want something bad enough and you want to see change YOU have to get up and MAKE IT happen. Yes, it may be an arduous and lengthy process but good things come to those who wait. These things take time and patience is a virtue. People pleassssse stop settling for the minimum you can get. There is sooo much more out there for us to get.

At the end of the day, I can run my mouth 1000mph about how we can be successful minorities in America yet my message won't penetrate. I know I can't force anyone to better themselves but I damn sure will try. If we won't help uplift each other, who will? As God as my witness, If I can help one of my people (just ONE) along the way, then my living is not in vain.


p.s. Knowledge is power!

xpeacex

Lonely

"You want to think and say that you have everything you need, but then you realize that somethng is missing, someone is missing... and once you think you've found it, it goes and disappears on you and you don't understand what to do or even where to start looking for that missing piece of the puzzle. You sit at home in lonely frustration and you just wait... waiit... and wait. No where to look, no one to look for..."

DISGUSTED ...

Just when I thought people couldnt get any worse... they do! Its amazing how much you can learn about a person without them telling you. Word of advice... cover up ur tracks!

On a SEARCH for SELF...

My purpose in this life is in question. I snatch up all these great opportunities and advances in life and now Im stumped. What do I do now? Im kind of at a fork in the road and confused more than a litttle bit on which one to take. I know the answer lies within me somewhere. I just really need to find it. Dig deep. SEARCH within mySELF.





Lord guide me on this journey I take into life. You know what's best for me.

You are a Social Moderate (50% permissive) and an... Economic Moderate (43% permissive) You are best described as a: CentristYou exhibit a very well-developed sense of Right and Wrong and believe in economic fairness. loc: (0, -25)modscore: (26, 30) Link: The Politics Test on OkCupid Free Online Dating Also: The OkCupid Dating Persona Test

Today I got a sign...

I prayed and prayed about this one thing thats been plauging my spirit for a LONG time and today, I got a sign. I wonder if it was from You.

Comming from where Im 4rm... I <33 NY

In 2004 you could catch me screaming along with Ja Rule "Yes, Im from Newwww Yooorrrkkk!!" Im a true New Yorker and couldn't possibly think of being anywhere else in the world! Despite the crime and violence, we possess alot of good that outweigh the bad. We've got style, creativity, talent, lots of love (believe it or not), intelligence, character... I can go on and on about the things that makes New York stand out above the other 49 states. Call me biased but where else can u see the coolest men wearing ladies denim? Where PINK hair is common? Where fashion is a way of LIFE? Only in NY baby! (lol). You can't try that anywhere else. I love my quiet long Island neighborhood but there's nothing like city life where we do everything fast. You've got exactly 13 seconds to run down those subway stairs before the doors to the 2 train shut in ur face. I love it! Aaaaahhhhh, Its so good to be in NY!

KICKSCLUSIVE & LUPE... Wat an event! :)

Kicks &Music! Does it get any better?? Last Night (7-18-2006) Kicksclusive shut down club Spirit for its 12th issue's celebration! Although I did not come in my typical "street wear," many others did. Some brought with them some killer kicks! (I was half jealous). I really enjoyed myself while there. I mingled in VIP with my good friends (Asha, Natalie, Nicole, Gordon, Brent, & Sandy) and other important people in the fashion and magazine industry while bopping my head to the latest A-town music. The icing on the cake had to be the performance by one of THE hottest upcomming stars, LUPE FIASCO. So, I left with gift bags and paparazzi shots of one of my fav. rappers :) ! ! ! This truly will be an event I wont forget!

(Check out the pictures to see how it all went down)

Hit up http://www.kicksclusive.com/ for the latest in footwear. Get ya fresh on!

I THINK I FIGURED IT OUT!!!

For two years I've sat around thinking long and hard about the things that made me happy in life. For two years, I've also sat around trying to be something I'm not in order to gain the approval of my family and those around me. Being in the unique situation that I'm in, made it very difficult to just be myself. Graduating from high school at a young age,I was also the one EVERYONE had high expectations for. "Be a doctor, Be a lawyer, Be this, Be that." Since when was it okay to dictate my future? Yes, those are very good professions in which u can make loads of money but is it really what I want? I figured out that it wasnt. So if I make less money doing something I'll enjoy, so be it. I wanna live my life the way I want to! I've got one chance to do it. I cant see myself living my life with the "wat ifs" playing over and over. I wont disclose my plan for college YET but I will say this, if its what YOU'RE into, GO FOR IT! Live ur life for YOU!


- C. Henry

Its happening again. This time Im feeling it harder than ever before. The pressure is so heavy now. Im now carrying the weight of the world on my shoulders. I really can't handle it anymore. The school thing has got me tripping. Why is it so hard for me to declare a major. I at least found out something about myself that I may not have known before. I am most definitely the most indecisive person I know. period. I've been "deciding" for 2 years. Now its time to REALLY decide and I cant handle it. Maybe I havent prayed enough. Maybe praying about it those few times wasn't enough. Maybe I need to do something extra to get an answer. Im not completely sure about what it is that I need to do but whatever it is, I need to do it NOW! Time is winding up and I need to know. (God, if you plan on giving me an answer plz do it now... Im asking nicely )


xPeacex

You Have A Type A- Personality

You are one of the most balanced people aroundMotivated and focused, you are good at getting what you wantYou rule at success, but success doesn't rule you. When it's playtime, you really know how to kick backWhether it's hanging out with friends or doing something you love!You live life to the fullest - encorporating the best of both worlds

Do You Have a Type A Personality?

LET ME GROW UP!!!

m i s z dymondz3: omg
m i s z dymondz3: what is my lil innocent chaunna turning into
m i s z dymondz3: :(
OoHsHeRuDe516: what are u saying?
OoHsHeRuDe516: i am innocent
OoHsHeRuDe516: if i wasnt
OoHsHeRuDe516: i wud start puttin on ur thongs
OoHsHeRuDe516: and start taking back shot photos
OoHsHeRuDe516: welcome to woman hood!
OoHsHeRuDe516: lol but its funnii
OoHsHeRuDe516: how i can NEVER do nething
m i s z dymondz3: lmaoooooooo
OoHsHeRuDe516: bcuz im a "child"
m i s z dymondz3: no
m i s z dymondz3: you cant do anything
m i s z dymondz3: thats the way it is
OoHsHeRuDe516: u cant wear that shirt chaunna!
OoHsHeRuDe516: ade, u put it on
m i s z dymondz3: LMAOOOOOO
OoHsHeRuDe516: like wtf
m i s z dymondz3: ROTFLMAOOOO
m i s z dymondz3: im sorry
m i s z dymondz3: but thats just the way it is
m i s z dymondz3: deal with it
OoHsHeRuDe516: dont sleep with him... (random female) go get dat
m i s z dymondz3: lmaooooooooooooooooo
OoHsHeRuDe516: that skirt is too short... give it to (random female)
OoHsHeRuDe516: i wish all of u would get a life
m i s z dymondz3: ROTFLMAOOOOOOOOOOOOO
m i s z dymondz3: awwww
OoHsHeRuDe516: no but im serious
OoHsHeRuDe516: im not saying i wanna be a slut or nething
OoHsHeRuDe516: but i mean geesh!
OoHsHeRuDe516: sometimes i wish i never went to college yung
OoHsHeRuDe516: i wonder how different i wud get treated
m i s z dymondz3: hmmmm...
m i s z dymondz3: i dunno man
m i s z dymondz3: i guess you would be treated like everybody else
OoHsHeRuDe516: that might be nice
m i s z dymondz3: lolz
m i s z dymondz3: im sorry
m i s z dymondz3: this is just the way things are
OoHsHeRuDe516: right
m i s z dymondz3: what would you like to happen?
m i s z dymondz3: lmao
OoHsHeRuDe516: id like to be chaunna without restraints
OoHsHeRuDe516: id like to grow up without ppl saying stuff
OoHsHeRuDe516: id like to wear shoes without ppl being shocked
m i s z dymondz3: lolololol...i feel you
OoHsHeRuDe516: id like to wear eye shadow without boys screaming "wash it off"
m i s z dymondz3: ROTFLMAOOOOOO
m i s z dymondz3: that happened???
OoHsHeRuDe516: u laugh but this is serious
OoHsHeRuDe516: yes
OoHsHeRuDe516: all the time
m i s z dymondz3: wow....i mean i guess i can understand why its annoying
OoHsHeRuDe516: i have ONE brother... why does everyone wanna be my brother?OoHsHeRuDe516: i should blog this
m i s z dymondz3: i dunno
OoHsHeRuDe516: im going to
OoHsHeRuDe516: nice n copied
m i s z dymondz3: yeah...i mean no matter what youre still gonna be at least 2 years younger than everyone...and as hard as it is for you to grow up
m i s z dymondz3: thats how hard it is for us to WATCH you grow up
m i s z dymondz3: its just weird


THE MORAL OF THIS CONVO IS... LET ME FRICKIN' GROW UP! I mean its nice to have ppl looking out for you and all but sometimes its a little bit much. We are all in the same circle. Its not fair for something to be okay for EVERYONE ELSE but not me cuz im a little yunger. I think Im smart enuff to make wise decisions. Trust me on this one friends.

- Ms. Henry

FAITH

Mat 9:27
And when Jesus departed thence, two blind men followed him, crying, and saying, [Thou] Son of David, have mercy on us.

Mat 9:28
And when he was come into the house, the blind men came to him: and Jesus saith unto them, Believe ye that I am able to do this? They said unto him, Yea, Lord.

Mat 9:29
Then touched he their eyes, saying, According to your faith be it unto you.

Mat 9:30
And their eyes were opened; and Jesus straitly charged them, saying, See [that] no man know [it].



*Just something that spoke to me today*

6-10-2006

I finally frickin turned 18!!! Oh wat a glorious day it was. Mommy got me a new camera (8.1 MP Sony) and payed for me and 11 girls to take a limo the city to eat at some fancy resturaunt that was quite distasteful lol. After that we went to a nice comedy club. Despite some of the complaining! lol I had fun (Thanx Mom)

I was gonna write about somethin else but i really forgot so lets just talk about this OTHER book I just read. Its called " Grown Folks Business" by Victoria Christopher Murray. Its about a husband who was on the DL and was married to his wife for 17 yrs. The story is told thru the eyes of the wife... pretty good durn book!

5 novels and counting... and my new rap obsession lol

Synopis
Lisa and Darrell Canfield are in search of the perfect spot to build their dreamhouse. They each have a daughter near the same age from their first marriages and a set of adorable twins. In addition, Darrell's mom is moving with them, thus, the large house they have planned will be perfect. Just as they give up on finding the ideal location, they discover a spot near friends and begin building. All is well in their lives as they look forward to their new home. Across town, Brad Bentacourt is a bit sick of his wife's freeloading family. He wants to convince his wife, a stay-at-home mother, that they should move closer into town--and away from her family. When an opportunity presents itself and a recently built house is available for a quick sale, he jumps at the opportunity. Though he has to convince her at first, once they see the house, she loves it and they soon make the purchase. Unbeknownst to them, they have purchased the house next door to the Canfields. To add even more drama, Lisa is Brad's ex-wife. Yep, you read correctly. Brad and his new wife have moved next door to his previous wife. Want more drama? Well, the new wife isn't happy about the idea of her step-daughter being so close to Brad and does her best to hide it from him. The previous wife loves her current husband, but feels that what Brad has, should've been hers. Can someone say D-R-A-M-A? Author Bettye Griffin melds an unbelievable scenario full of nosey neighbors trying to out-do each other, arguments between the new wife and the old, lessons on unruly children, and situations revolving around social status. She also touches on some major issues dealing with blended families. Through the crazy incidents, the author's wit, and the various characters with all their flaws and misgivings, THE PEOPLE NEXT DOOR is an enjoyable read. It showcases lessons on familial love, dealing with others, and learning from the lessons of the past.

Synopsis
LaShondra Smith has a successful ca\reer, a supportive, outspoken family, friends who are always there for her, and a strong personal walk with God that nourishes her spirit and gives her the confidence to face anything. She just wants one more little thing: a man. Make that a strong, sensitive, Godly man like Boaz in the Bible. And oh, he should be African-American. Sure, she successfully deals with all people as vice principal in one of Dallas's largest high schools. And she knows God's word on loving all mankind. But she has also been hurt and has learned from those experiences-and much advice from others-that black folks need to stick together and marry their own kind.
Then LaShondra meets an engineer named Stelson Brown. Caring, conscientious, and endowed with an intelligence and sense of humor as devastating as his looks, Stelson is both secure in his faith and convinced that Lashondra is the strong, sensitive, Christian woman for him. But he's not exactly what she had prayed for. Suddenly, LaShondra must not only deal with the reactions of her friends and family, but face the hidden prejudices and attitudes she never realized were part of her, Now, as she struggles to reconcile her past experiences, her fears, and what could be, she must decide what really matters when true love and faith are at stake.



I started my first book for the summer in late may... its june 5th... why did i just finish my fifth? WAYYYYYYYYY TOO MUCH TIME ON MY HANDS! lol. Nehoo... this was a good book nice
little book to read. No profanity, good wholesome novel. Newayyyy .......



<-----Lets talk about LUPE!!!!!! Dats right Lupe Fiasco. lol Im not exactly obsessed but I am a new fan. He is the truth and I do love his music. Kudoz to u pal.

But why is this so true??? lol... shame shame shame

...Here and Now by Kimberla Lawson Roby

You would never believe it! For the first time, i finished an entire novel in ONE day... well I started from the second chapter but there were like 29 of em lol. Really good book might I had. I mean, I couldnt help but to keep reading. Before I knew it, i was looking at the final chapter. Well it is now 4.33 am---> maddddd hours spent with my face n that book. But it has me trippin a little bit. All those deaths and things got my mind a little disoriented. I'll be alright though. Well, thats about all for now.... Oh no it isnt. (Private entry awaits)

A Wonderful Pastime

I LOVE READING!!!! Books just take me to another place. I love it. I love the fact that I can imagine things as I want them to be. From the faces of the characters to how they sound. You can't do that with movies. Im so glad I have all of this free time to just sit in my house and read all night long! When I start my job I wont be able to do this so Im getting all I can in at once lol. Im on my third book in three weeks. Im on a frickin' role! Nehooo... these are the books I've read so far.



The bestselling, Blackboard Award–winning author of the enormously successful A Taste of Reality spins a riveting tale about a philandering preacher that readers will love to hate.
Curtis Black might be a man of the cloth, but with his irresistible looks, seductive charm, and charismatic personality, he's particularly beloved by his female parishioners — and almost every other woman he's ever met.
The trouble is, Curtis is married. At first he tries to resist temptation, but not for long. His insatiable appetite for women quickly gets the best of him. Overwhelmed by his sizzling love affairs and busy trying to convince the deacon board of the need for an ATM in the back of the church, Curtis has his hands full. Meanwhile Mariah, his second wife, is slowly discovering that beneath the tranquil and loving facade of their marriage a storm of lies and betrayal is about to rage.
Not to mention that Curtis's already shaky relationship with his teenaged daughter, Alicia, has reached the breaking point. Feeling neglected and unloved, Alicia searches for solace in the arms of a stranger, and before long she finds herself in a dangerous situation.
Eventually, the women in Curtis's life find that with a little careful planning — sneaky and otherwise — they can help Curtis reap the punishment that he so richly deserves. In this captivating and dramatic sequel to Casting the First Stone, Kimberla Lawson Roby, with her trademark wit and insight, sets sparks flying.
Set in the South during the 1960s, Church Folk tells the hilarious story of a young pastor and his wife who try to hold their congregation together despite its members' foibles... (Not gonna tell much about the book...If u go to church or kno nething about the church ull laugh alot and like it alot)


So I've just started this next book (its pretty good too. I read over 130 pages today and Im still going... Just needed to give my eyes a rest. lol)

Brilliant and vibrant, Marcella Jones had the whole world in her hands, until she gave her heart to the wrong man. Tyrone was handsome and charismatic, but he left her destitute, raising two small children alone - and yearning for the kind of life her dead-end job will never provide. Marcella's elder sister Racquel, lives in a fine home, has a fulfilling career and the love of Kevin, her handsome, successful, supportive husband. Yet her desperate longing for a child is driving her into a deep depression and away from Kevin. In the tradition of Waiting to Exhale and Big Girls Don't Cry, Here and Now is the poignant story of two strong, intelligent women facing tragedy, surviving loss and terrible sorrow, and ultimately learning that only with each other's help can they heal the hurt and celebrate the joy in their lives.