"The Bachelor" --> Falling in love

So, I was watching "The Bachelor" and for the first time I saw myself in someone else. Many of you may know Moanna from the show. She was one who had the most difficulty in opening up to Travis. Afraid of being hurt she stayed in her shell. Once she gave this man all she ever had and became so vulnerable she recieved the ultimate smack in the face when he chose sarah over her in the final episode.

Moanna = Me.
Of all my friends there are very few who has not experienced this great joy of being in love. I guess I kind of blame myself for this. I never have opened up to any male I've ever been with. I've been too afraid of rejection. I mean, when I open up to someone, I too become vulnerable and at risk for hurt. Rejection hurts the most when your heart is in it. That has to be my greatest fear. REJECTION. So I guess I may have turned guys off because they may have expected more from me or wanted more and I just couldn't give it. I want to give it. I want someone there to love me as much as I love them. I want to be able to love someone with all my heart. I want to know what it's like to be in love. I just find it extremely hard to open up fully to someone. Maybe I'll meet the perfect guy who can teach me how to love. Show me what love is. This is my hope.

Valentines Day

Yea so technically speaking, yesterday was valentines day... big whooop! I've been called a hater and bitter several times by several people and I'd just like to give a big "HOP OFF ME" to all of you.

So we all went out to dinner right.... *why did i go? I knew I shoulda stayed my behind right in my room doing my homework*. So we go to LI to Don Juans. 1st of all, it took us like 20 mins to get seated. NO EXAGGERATION, almost 2 hours to get our food. We sat next to a constantly opening and closing door making it highly uncomfortable and cold. The waiter... knew what he was talking about... THO! And to make matters worse, the NIGGERS i came with all nice & left me to pay off the rest of the bill. Horrible experience. But you know what I say, experience is the best teacher. I've been taught alright.

Im extremely irritated and bored outta my mind. Good Night

Simply Today...

Today was a good day. No drama. Just smiles.

• Fashion Show Tryouts *Boy did i KILL IT! lol*
• "Stroll Show" in Montgoris *Kinda wack but nonetheless, I enjoyed myself*
• Finally finished reading "The Darkest Child" by Delores Phillips. *Wow is all i can really say. That book is filled with shocking and breath taking moments. I'd reccomend this book to all. Step outside of the the typical *hood novels* and read a ficitional tale full of substance

Well, Im off to bed. Peace.

CSA Dance Troupe

Soooooo we have an audition tomorrow at NBC Studios for 106 & Park's "wild out wednesdays." We had to come up with a name to use. We came up with "Hundred Proof" which basically means the outstanding/the best... I like the name. I think it has a cool ring to it for a dance group. Some people don't but dats wat we gotta stick wit and make it work. Nehoooooo, wish us luck. Seeeee ya! !! !